Meanderings of a Weary Sojourner

Connected and Being

2011-12-22T09:40:00.001-08:00

Life's journey has taken many turns for this sojourner in the last 8 years specifically in the area of spirituality. I have come from being a parishioner attending congregations and at times being so involved I neglected other things in my life, to just being ok with not knowing who or what is out there and where I might end up. My spiritual practice was always to set all aside for serving a group of men who were running a club. It was expected I would give up time for myself to recharge and reconnect or worse time with my family and friends. Lately it has occurred to me to just be and let all else be a wonderful mystery. Much like the presents my family and I will open here in a few days. I don't know what's in them but that doesn't deter me from spending time with family and friends, some of that time "preparing" for the festivities. Being present as I spend time with my kids now that we don't rush them off to school due to it being the Holiday Break.

Earlier this week I assisted a client with applying and obtaining food stamps. This client, we'll call her Susan, has come into some really rough times. She has recently gotten out of a physically abusive relationship that was unhealthy on many levels for her and her son. As a result of this she left a good job in another state to be with her son and closer to the son's father for his sake. Susan is struggling to pay for the basic necessities of life but seems quite resilient despite it all. Her one issue is anxiety and panic disorder keep her from interacting and going through the process of people and paperwork it takes to get the much needed help. With many of my clients I have to help explain these benefits and assist with the mountains of paper work that come with applying. Susan was intelligent and more than capable except for the anxiety that the process brought and being around people she doesn't know asking for help she is ashamed to receive. We waited in line at the Health and Welfare food stamp office. At first we conversed about the weather, the upcoming holidays, typical small talk. She was very conversational and had a witty sense about her. I began to think to myself, Susan doesn't need me here she is more than able to handle this process. As we filled out the necessary paperwork she had everything in order there were no questions that I needed to intervene on or help with. I was like, "What am I doing here?!"

We, or I should say, Susan completed the application and now it was time to wait for our number, "31", to be called. We began talking about our families and what we were going to do for the holidays. For the first 45 minutes I didn't even feel like I was working but more like having a discussion with an old friend. The only thing missing was the coffee shop and coffee. When the waiting stretched to an hour, then hour and a half, Susan began to fidget and her answers and responses to my questions and comments about life became shorter. Her breathing began to get faster and she would say things under her breath like, "how much longer", or "I can't believe this is taking so long." The fidgeting was getting worse, more like a shaking now. As they called number 30 (we were 31) she said, "I gotta go outside for a minute." She gathered her things and headed out. I thought, "here we go she is going to take off." I have had this happen with other clients with panic and anxiety disorders. As she went through the front doors I walked over to the window as my posterior was getting a little tired of sitting there too. I also wanted to check and see if Susan would get in her car and take off. As I peered through the window and squinted from the sunshine I saw Susan out by her car pacing and smoking. I went back to my chair a little nervous that they would call 31 and she wouldn't be back in and we would miss our opportunity after all this waiting. Seconds after I sat down she came through the door. I told her it shouldn't be too much longer and began to ask more about her life and family. Susan is going to business school and hopes to get into human resource work. "I want to help people" she said "like you are helping me." I told her that that would suit her personality and caring nature. I still didn't think I was doing a whole lot. Finally we heard "31" called out from the Health and Welfare worker. We walked over and sat in the cubicle. This worker was very expressive and when she would see something strange on her computer screen she would make faces and clicking sounds and say "uh-oh." She then had to go "check on something." Susan said, "she is making me nervous." I told Susan everything will be ok. Finally the worker came back and long story short everything checked out and Susan was eligible for the full amount of food stamps allotted for she and her son. Susan began to tear up. She said, "I am just so overwhelmed." I thought it was because of all that we had been through and all the waiting, but it turns out it was gratitude as Susan was going to get enough to feed herself and her son. As we gathered her papers and began to walk out of the office she turned to me and said, "thank-you, I never would have stayed here long enough on my own to see this through and get the help I need. We walked to our cars and she said, "you have a Merry Christmas. I returned the sentiment.

I realized that day that Susan needed me to just "BE" there and nothing else. I think that if more of us realized this and would just "BE" there for each other, life would go easier especially during the dark times. I remember my responses to folks that needed help use to be "I'll pray for you." or "You need to come to church with me." I am now learning to be comfortable just "being" with people no matter where we are at whether it be on the cold street, in a nice warm house, or in the drab Health and Welfare office waiting in a long line. I don't need to point others to some unknown deity "out there" somewhere or invite them to a clubhouse for indoctrination or membership. This doesn't fill the stomach and stop the hunger pangs. She just needed my energy to help her connect for a small portion of our day. I may never see Susan again but we are now connected. We are all connected. Go "Be" for somebody today and allow others to "Be" for you.

Faith and Belief--Jacques Ellul

2009-06-16T09:11:00.000-07:00

Below is a communication with a friend of mine who sent me an article regarding Belief and Faith and how they are antithetical to one another. I read this along with an article by N.T. Wright "The Bible and Tomorrow's World" sent to me by yet a another friend sojourning with me in my walk. I have had issues with the N. American church reading the bible like a text book as opposed to a narrative, a part of a story, our story. The Kingdom is in or among us according to Ellul's article. In Wright's article, he likens scripture to a five act play in which we are living out and shaping the fifth act. I like how Wright says that scripture is the vehicle that brings the "authority" of the Kingdom. I feel that in many circles people see scripture as the authority. Therefore we rest back and just exist in blind belief never questioning. I know as of late I have questioned a lot of things and the response by many in the church as been far from encouraging. Here is the communication I had with my friend Kent and the links to the articles are posted below.

Hey Kent,

I just got done reading the Ellul article you sent me "Belief and Faith." Sorry it has taken me so long, but I have to read everything 2 or 3 times due to some ADD and comprehension learning barriers.
It is interesting because when you sent me that article I was in the middle of N.T. Wright's The Bible and Tomorrow's World. It talks about the Bibles authority being in it's story, much like a 5 act play. We are act 5 and living it out. So the narrative continues.
This played in nicely for me on the Ellul as I have succumbed to belief for many years and am now starting to receive revelation and it has been shocking. Yet it is causing me to get of my duff and therefore is also a place I want to live. I like how Ellul says "It is not a matter of looking to some external ultimate reality; the Kingdom of heaven is (at present) in you or among you. As of now it is you who constitute it. Faith is the demand that we must incarnate the Kingdom of God now in the world and this age." And finally, "faith has me. The rest is mere belief." Wow. I can live here even in mystery and uncertainty. We get to play a role in the narrative. The Kingdom is in and among us. We help write the story. But, once we get comfortable and codify, make list and formulas, faith is squashed. Then we start simply to exist, ceasing interaction with our God. This has been timely for me. I'll stop there for now.
Thanks Kent,
Peace and Blessings to you and your family.
Matt
P.S. I am going to fwd this to my buddy Rickard as he has been helping me on this journey as well:

www.christinyou.net/pages/faithbelief.html

http://www.fulcrum-anglican.org.uk/page.cfm?ID=334&view=printer&menuopt=3

Divine Agnosticism

2009-06-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

I have been in a downward spiral (maybe it's an upward one...I don't know) being stripped of all I have learned and known to be true. This has especially hit hard in my spirituality. Growing up in the Evangelical/Charismatic/Pentecostal church I feel I have only learned a concept of an Americanized, Consumerist deity that functions much like Santa Clause. Much of my prayers if not all of them have been requests and often demands to get me out of crisis or to bless me with things or to make my dreams come true.

I am learning that connecting with God is receiving His love and then sharing it with the broader world. The Christianity I have grown up in has taught me to function like the world, to get ahead. To become a top-notch worship leader and get my songs on worship albums. A common theme that was taught and preached at the last organized church I attended was "to finish well." This was taught by leaders who have grown a church to 3000 members and written books and been successful by the worlds standards. The light came on for me when I wrote a song and became elated when asked to do it at a church event. There was also suggestion made that maybe it would go on some sort of regional album. I began to make this my focus and it was all I could think about. As I was discussing my song and asking people to critique on my facebook profile a long-time friend of mine asked me to send her an Mp3 as well. This dear friend is in a life-style condemned by the mainstream evangelical church. Her response was with honest critique but then she said something that struck me. She stated that she woke-up singing the song and misses these sorts of simple choruses and the only kind of church that allows she and her partner to come, intact, as a family sing more traditional, liturgical sorts of hymns. This friend was in essence saying she made a connection spiritually...that she has been denied to a large degree. It hit me, I don't care if this song ever gets played again (and it hasn't). It maybe served its entire purpose. To give my friend a spiritual connection and to turn a light on in my heart and begin my journey of finding out what is truth. I have since studied the bible regarding same-sex lifestyle and found it to be not so concrete as I've been told and led to believe.

As I have been digging, I have realized that there is a lot I don't know about God as I am being stripped of the Americanized, consumerist false god and it's trappings. The things I have held on to because my spirituality consisted of sitting with a couple thousand other congregants being spoon fed one man's vision. I am finding that God is a mystery and many things will probably always remain a mystery. But I realize he wants me to be an active participant and have encounter with him every minute of every day. Consumerist Christianity has dulled my senses and imagination. God is present all around me and I miss it on a daily basis. A great example was this past Easter. My family and I were working in our yard, planting flowers and preparing flower beds. I was enjoying digging in the dirt, hearing the birds chirp, and listening to my daughters laugh and play. We also spoke with many of our neighbors and had wonderful connection with them laughing and sharing what each other was doing that day (we must live in a pagan neighborhood as none of us were at church on a day when everyone is). I have never sensed a spiritual revitalization like this one. I felt that I had truly and uniquely met with God that day, in and through His creation and others that he worked through.

I have been reading The Divine Commodity by Skye Jethani. He describes a term that I have actually studied before called "Divine Agnosticism." The word Agnostic comes from the Greek a-gnostos meaning "not-knowing." It essentially was used to mean not denying but also not knowing regarding the existence of God. As Skye put it "Divine Agnosticism differs in that it affirms the existence of God but then acknowledges our human inability to fully grasp his infinite nature." So I feel this is where I am at in my spiritual walk and journey. It is a terrifying time and yet and exciting time for me. It has caused me to search and find truth for myself. Another theme in Jethani's book is that the people in mainstream evangelical Christianity have for the most part lost their imagination. I can definitely testify to that. Since I have now begun to embrace the mystery and "not knowing" I have felt a freedom and a spiritual side that has been dormant for years. I am feeling a sort of re-birth. I have begun to use my imagination and play my music. I enjoy listening to my daughters laugh and play. Not to sound too hippie, I also am more cognisant of things going on around me such as the wind in the trees and the sound of the different birds that hang around our house. I am learning, I think for the first time, to embrace the mystery that is God.

My Allegiance

2009-04-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

Every couple of Fridays I take my daughter to her kindergarten class as my lovely wife works a twelve-hour day starting at 7 a.m. On this particular day the American flag is brought out and the Pledge of Allegiance is recited. I quite honestly have struggled saying the pledge of allegiance for some time now. I actually will not do it. I get some pretty interesting looks from the other parents. I was appalled one time as it was the dead of winter and they carry on this ritual outside. I saw one of the teachers snatch the stocking cap off of a kindergartner when he failed to remove it for the pledge.

Are we not called to be foreigners in a strange land? Soldiers placed in enemy territory? In Greg Boyd's book "The Myth of a Christian Religion" (sequel to "The Myth of a Christian Nation"), he states the "early Christian's were willing to be martyred rather than express allegiance to the Roman Empire. So I wonder, why would I in my day and age express allegiance to the Empire in which I reside? Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that I live in America and I love the land and it's people, but I can have only one allegiance and pledge and that is to Christ.

I worry sometimes that our faith has become nationalized and growing research shows that the difference between church-going Americans and pagan-Americans is slim if any difference at all. Again Boyd's book makes a good point. Since the distinctions among nations, governments and militaries mean nothing to God (Is. 40: 15,17) they are to mean nothing to us who live under his reign.

I love this quote from one of the early Christians Terrutillian, "The divine banner and the human banner do not go together, nor the standard of Christ and the standard of the Devil. Only without the sword can the Christian wage war: the Lord has abolished the sword."

Here is something I would much rather recite (taken from Jesus for President by Claiborne, appendix 4):

Jesus For President Litany of Resistance
Created with the help of our friends Jim Loney (CPT Reservist) and Brian Walsh (activist theologian)
--------------------------
One: Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world
All: Have mercy on us
One: Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world
All: Free us from the bondage of sin and death
One: Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world
All: Hear our prayer. Grant us peace.

One: For the victims of war
All: Have mercy
One: Women, men and children
All: Have mercy
One: The maimed and the crippled
All: Have mercy
One: The abandoned and the homeless
All: Have mercy
One: the imprisoned and the tortured
All: Have mercy
One: The widowed and the orphaned
All: Have mercy
One: The bleeding and the dying
All: Have mercy
One: The weary and the desperate
All: Have mercy
One: The lost and the forsaken
All: Have mercy

One: O God -- Have mercy on us sinners
All: Forgive us for we know not what we do
One: For our scorched and blackened earth
All: Forgive us
One: For the scandal of billions wasted in war
All: Forgive us
One: For our arms makers and arms dealers
All: Forgive us
One: For our Caesars and Herods
All: Forgive us
One: For the violence that is rooted in our hearts
All: Forgive us

One: For the times we turn others into enemies
All: Forgive us
One: Deliver us, O God
All: Guide our feet into the way of peace
One: Hear our prayer.
All: Grant us peace.

One: From the arrogance of power
All: Deliver us
One: From the myth of redemptive violence
All: Deliver us
One: From the tyranny of greed
All: Deliver us
One: From the ugliness of racism
All: Deliver us
One: From the cancer of hatred
All: Deliver us
One: From the seduction of wealth
All: Deliver us
One: From the addiction of control
All: Deliver us
One: From the idolatry of nationalism
All: Deliver us
One: From the paralysis of cynicism
All: Deliver us
One: From the violence of apathy
All: Deliver us
One: From the ghettos of poverty
All: Deliver us
One: From the ghettos of wealth
All: Deliver us
One: From a lack of imagination
All: Deliver us
One: Deliver us, O God
All: Guide our feet into the way of peace
One: We will not conform to the patterns of this world
All: Let us be transformed by the renewing of our minds
One: With the help of God’s grace
All: Let us resist evil wherever we find it

One: With the waging of war
All: We will not comply
One: With the legalization of murder
All: We will not comply
One: With the slaughter of innocents
All: We will not comply
One: With laws that betray human life
All: We will not comply
One: With the destruction of community
All: We will not comply
One: With the pointing finger and malicious talk
All: We will not comply
One: With the idea that happiness must be purchased
All: We will not comply
One: With the ravaging of the earth
All: We will not comply
One: With principalities and powers that oppress
All: We will not comply
One: With the destruction of peoples
All: We will not comply
One: With the raping of women
All: We will not comply
One: With governments that kill
All: We will not comply
One: With the theology of empire
All: We will not comply
One: With the business of militarism
All: We will not comply
One: With the hoarding of riches
All: We will not comply
One: With the dissemination of fear
All: We will not comply

One: Today we pledge our ultimate allegiance… to the Kingdom of God
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To a peace that is not like Rome’s
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the Gospel of enemy love
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the Kingdom of the poor and broken
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To a King that loves his enemies so much he died for them

All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the least of these, with whom Christ dwells
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the transnational Church that transcends the artificial borders of nations
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the refugee of Nazareth
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the homeless rabbi who had no place to lay his head
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the cross rather than the sword
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the banner of love above any flag
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the one who rules with a towel rather than an iron fist
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the one who rides a donkey rather than a war-horse
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the revolution that sets both oppressed and oppressors free
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the Way that leads to life
All: We pledge allegiance
One: To the Slaughtered Lamb
All: We pledge allegiance
One: And together we proclaim his praises, from the margins of the empire to the centers of wealth and power
All: Long Live the Slaughtered Lamb
One: Long Live the Slaughtered Lamb
All: Long Live the Slaughtered Lamb

Workin out my SALVATION!

2009-03-21T11:37:00.000-07:00

It seems that in my growing up in the North American church, Christianity was portrayed as a sort of fire insurance and once you ask Jesus into your heart you got your policy and were good. So what do we do now? Just sit around and wait for the trumpet to blast and ascend to the Father on a "white cloud pillow" strumming a harp (or in my case a telecaster).
This sort of philosophy was a huge frustration for me as it left a lot of questions unanswered. Do I pursue a career? Do I grow in my gifts and knowledge? Do I even start a family?

The ironic thing is that the very authorities in my life that told me that I just had to accept Jesus in my heart and look for the parting clouds..told me to get a "good education" and "plan for my future." There was that constant state of confusion as on one hand I was to "do something" with my life ,but subconsciously I would wonder why, because I was told it will all burn anyway. We will get entirely new bodies, probably won't be married to our current life partner and walk on streets of gold with the keys to our new mansion in hand. I read an interesting blog for Pastor Greg Boyd http://www.google.com/reader/view/feed/http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds2.feedburner.com%2Fgregboyd and it helped remind me of some other readings I've read from N.T. Wright (The Challenge of Jesus, The New Testament and the People of God) and Brian McClaren (Everything must Change), that our life here in this moment in time is a process, a place to work out who we are in the Kingdom. Below is and excerpt from Pastor Greg Boyd's blog that helped me a bit. It talks about purifying our lives in this stage here on earth and that there are no shortcuts:

"What I’ve tried to show in this post is that this purification is not optional and this judgment is not avoidable. Whatever is not completed now will have to be completed at the judgment seat of Christ – but again, it’s in our best interest to complete this process now.
We are all in training for the eternal Kingdom. Life is the school that prepares us for heaven. And, like it or not, we will not enter our eternal Sabbath rest until we’re ready to graduate. There simply are no short cuts, so we might as well start to enjoy the learning process."

In the last couple years I have "come awake" so to speak and have started shaking off some of the things I was taught and have started chewing on the things of God on my own. This also caused me to assess my life and beliefs. Essentially, I have spent a better part of my years waiting for the "trumpets to sound" so to speak. I have been waiting for the next "move of God." All the while gifts and time have gone by the wayside and depression of unfulfillment has ruled me. Well no longer. I am so excited to move on and begin or to some degree continue my purification process. This process isn't just ridding my life of "sin" but of becoming who I am too be. Letting go of the false doctrines and weird controls placed on me from a young age by well meaning church authorities. Learning to walk in the way of Christ, and understand his love for me and then give it back as intended. I was also created with a unique way of Worshipping our creator and sharing his love, which I am starting to feel are the same thing. I am also learning that we may be taking the portrait of "Heaven" to literally. Could heaven be the space in time that we finally just stop struggling and live in the peace that we have finally become what God intended us to be?

The Power and extent of forgiveness and loving your enemy.

2009-03-01T11:14:00.000-08:00

Due to a busy Sunday my family and I decided to stay home and have church with just me, my wife and two daughters. We had a glorious time of worship and then my youngest daughter picked a story out of her children's bible. It was the story of Naaman directed by a servant girl to go see Elisha for the healing of his leprosy. Naaman was responsible for taking the servant girl as a slave after killing her family. What enemy love as she directed him in the way of healing. Then, when he scoffed at the healing process, he was still loved and guided and eventually healed. After reading this my oldest daughter, wise beyond her years, said we are supposed to love our enemies. I am thankful for this insight as we live in a country..that even calls itself christian who has gone to destroy it's enemies by political might..with the support of the church no less. I am thankful that my daughter can see through that rubbish. I have included the story below in the NRSV.

2 Kings 5:1-17
5Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Aram, was a great man and in high favor with his master, because by him the Lord had given victory to Aram. The man, though a mighty warrior, suffered from leprosy. 2Now the Arameans on one of their raids had taken a young girl captive from the land of Israel, and she served Naaman’s wife. 3She said to her mistress, “If only my lord were with the prophet who is in Samaria! He would cure him of his leprosy.” 4So Naaman went in and told his lord just what the girl from the land of Israel had said. 5And the king of Aram said, “Go then, and I will send along a letter to the king of Israel.” He went, taking with him ten talents of silver, six thousand shekels of gold, and ten sets of garments. 6He brought the letter to the king of Israel, which read, “When this letter reaches you, know that I have sent to you my servant Naaman, that you may cure him of his leprosy.” 7When the king of Israel read the letter, he tore his clothes and said, “Am I God, to give death or life, that this man sends word to me to cure a man of his leprosy? Just look and see how he is trying to pick a quarrel with me.” 8But when Elisha the man of God heard that the king of Israel had torn his clothes, he sent a message to the king, “Why have you torn your clothes? Let him come to me, that he may learn that there is a prophet in Israel.”
9So Naaman came with his horses and chariots, and halted at the entrance of Elisha’s house. 10Elisha sent a messenger to him, saying, “Go, wash in the Jordan seven times, and your flesh shall be restored and you shall be clean.” 11But Naaman became angry and went away, saying, “I thought that for me he would surely come out, and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, and would wave his hand over the spot, and cure the leprosy! 12Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Could I not wash in them, and be clean?” He turned and went away in a rage. 13But his servants approached and said to him, “Father, if the prophet had commanded you to do something difficult, would you not have done it? How much more, when all he said to you was, ‘Wash, and be clean’?” 14So he went down and immersed himself seven times in the Jordan, according to the word of the man of God; his flesh was restored like the flesh of a young boy, and he was clean.
15Then he returned to the man of God, he and all his company; he came and stood before him and said, “Now I know that there is no God in all the earth except in Israel; please accept a present from your servant.” 16But he said, “As the Lord lives, whom I serve, I will accept nothing!” He urged him to accept, but he refused. 17Then Naaman said, “If not, please let two mule-loads of earth be given to your servant; for your servant will no longer offer burnt offering or sacrifice to any god except the Lord. 18But may the Lord pardon your servant on one count: when my master goes into the house of Rimmon to worship there, leaning on my arm, and I bow down in the house of Rimmon, when I do bow down in the house of Rimmon, may the Lord pardon your servant on this one count.” 19He said to him, “Go in peace.” But when Naaman had gone from him a short distance,

2009-02-21T09:18:00.000-08:00

A very dear friend of mine had an encounter with a man named Ray. Ray is walking across america carrying a cross. Below is the encounter my friend had with Ray. It is one of the most beautiful stories I have come a across. What if we all took up our cross like Ray.

I met Ray.

Yesterday at 4:35pm
MY agenda was to go buy a faucet...God's agenda was a little different. As I drove by with my thoughts trailing somewhere between the kids, the new move and dinner, I was jolted out of my daze to see a man walking down the street with a very large cross on his shoulder. My first thought was, "What in the world?". My next thought was, "I should really stop and talk to him"...and then came, "no...how stupid...he'll probably attack you or you'll cause some accident by stopping here...or, or, or...how weird, anyway!" I went on with my day, completing my Costco agenda and moving quickly to thoughts of Home Depot. As I hopped back into my car, I made a b-line for store. But, wait...I MUST have some Carl's Jr. deep fried zucchinni...so I took a detour. And who, do you suppose, was lugging his rickety cross right in front of Carl's? OK, now my thoughts went like this..."Dang-it...I know I need to stop and talk to him but my husband will probably kill me (or at least be really worried)...gotta do it anyway". After hopping out of the car and tracking him down before he got too far, I found out his name is Ray. I invited him to share a meal with me. After a few awkward moments, we settled into a nice conversation. Ray is a full-time homeless guy for the Lord. Since 1989, Ray has traveled amongst 26 different states. His goal? To let everyone and anyone know that Jesus Christ is the savior of the world...waiting for it to respond. Gazing at his sparse hair, etched face, and stubby, weather-worn hands it was obvious that he had no agenda to impress. His face (and the room) lit up as he bore a toothless grin. "It's all the Lord", he said over and over. I asked him what it was like out in America with his cross. He said it was "disturbing". Why? Because no one seems to care. He'd rather be "spit at and shot at" than "just ignored". "Sometimes I'll go weeks and not talk to anyone. At least when he's shot at he knows the cross is making a difference (by the way, he has been spit at, shot at, and nearly run down). I learned some interesting facts like he's been married for 24 years, has no kids, and has been "rescued" from a life of drugs. After going to the Roman Catholic church as a child, converting to the Baptist church with a friend (and, subsequently, being estranged from his family for it), and entering Seminary, Ray became disillusioned with God and entered a life of sin. Then he was hit by a car, follwed by a truck, and spent a year in the hospital and was told he would never walk normally. While in rehab, he met his wife whom he talked about the bible with. She became a Christian and led him back to the Lord. Though he has the education to be a pastor, he's far more comfortable "under the bridges" with those who really want to hear the truth. I laughed as Ray shared a story about a pastor who tried to give him a gun for self-protection. "What kind of a headline would that make?" he chuckled, "'Homeless, Christian Guy Shoots to Kill in a Hold-Up'...that's not what it's about". There is no doubt in his mind that he's doing what he's been called to...no worries...the bail-out plan means nothing to him. I found myself longing for such simplicity...to know without doubt, that what I'm doing and where I'm going next is for the Lord. To care about nothing more that caring about the unsaved. "They need to know about Jesus", he communicated over and over.As we said our "good-bye's" I couldn't help but wonder where he was off to next. Without a doubt, it was off to where God would send him. If you see Ray, stop and say "Hi"...or at least give him a hond (or spit at him, if you're so inclined)...but don't just ignore him. My life is better for having met him.:) Sarah